I am Abe

I think I just realized this. My heart. I have a huge heart. I'm feeling embarrassed as I write this, but I know I have the capacity to hold people's stuff and issues without judging them. I see people from a place of compassion and empathy. Jewish teachings explain, that we should try and emulate God's ways, and compassion is one that I try to embody.

But wait, but wait, cried the voice. You judge all the time! You tried carrying people’s issues, but it crushed you. You tried being there for people, but you got hurt. So what are you saying, bro? Where was that big heart?!

True. But at that time, I thought I needed to be the guy. I thought I needed to be the Messiah. I thought I needed to help them not have the pain. And when I couldn't fix them, I'd get upset and judge—judge myself for not being able to bring them comfort and judge them for not seeing my wisdom. I kept fighting the pain—my pain and their pain. And then I'd get exhausted and tire out. And then I needed a new heart.

But hold on, fraud! You’re still afraid to respond to the group chat with your truths. You're still worried they're gonna judge you.

Also true. And I still have some leftover misunderstood compassion, I still don’t always make space for the other to grieve and be in pain. But that doesn’t mean my heart isn’t huge, that it can’t hold space, be there for them, without looking down at someone.

Look, kid, I know you're trying to heal and all, but stay in your lane and know your place. You're full of judgment and shame, even while writing this. So how can you be there for others? You can't run from me. I see all your inner thoughts. I know all your intentions and motivations!

Yes, you do. And no, I can't run or hide from you. But you also know how much I've changed over the last few months. How much less projecting have I done? How much less reacting to situations? How many fewer judgments have I passed? You see those too!

Don’t confuse me with the facts! We both know it’s just a matter of time until you slip back to your good old self. Think I didn’t see your heart flutter this morning when you saw that pretty girl?! Cut the bullshit, Abe!

Hey, no cursing. Let’s keep this conversation civil and stay on point. Don’t change the subject. You challenged me about my huge heart. And I answered you. Got anything else, or can we move on?

You talk a big game, dude.

Hey, I see this isn’t going anywhere. And you know what else? Just like you see my inner voices and thoughts, I see yours too! And I saw how after you wrote “You talk a big game,” you suddenly went silent. Got nothing to say? You don’t—because you know that I DON’T talk a big game. I talk HUGE action. So how about we close this conversation now and call it a night?

Hey, it doesn’t matter if you're full of it. You’ll never amount to anything and—

I just hung up on him… He started saying something but then went off on a tangent. Whatever is true, I’ll keep. The rest just gets dumped. 🤮🤮🤮

😉😉😂

Total new score;

Abe – 1

Inner Critic – 0

- איש